I turned 30 years old on January 12th, which to me seems so old. It happened so fast! Honestly, I have been dreading the Big 3-0 for the last couple years. 30’s always seemed so old to me and I just couldn’t see myself ever reaching that age… Alas, here it is. In spite of my three decades on this good earth, there are so many things I am still figuring out and personally, I feel like it was just yesterday that I didn’t have a care in the world.
I wanted to say thank you all for your friendship and for you taking the time to visit my small corner of the world. Thank you to so many of you who are following along in my journey, continuing to encourage me and build me up with your friendship- it means so much to me! I never thought I would ever blog or ever really write for others to see, but it has been such a joy for me to type out my feelings, emotions, thoughts and share my life, so thank you for making that happen!
My twenties were pretty interesting. While not nearly as hellish as my teen years, I still felt the aftershocks and pains of my choices. Don’t get me wrong, my 20s weren’t all rainbows and butterflies. Convinced I was destined to be empty, alone, and broken forever. I constantly found new and creative ways to create a mini-living hell for myself. I went from feeling totally broken, unsure about everything in my life, shameful and afraid, too healed.
I realize that I’ve been having some anxiety about turning 30. Because my 20s were so transformative. My twenties taught me so many of the lessons people talk about realizing in your 30s. I’m sad to leave them because they were such an eye opening decade full of tears and joy. I’m so proud of the person I’ve become as I close out this decade, that I want to celebrate it. Also, if I’m being totally honest: from a vanity stand point, it’s a little sad to not feel like the “baby” anymore, as most people in my life are in their thirties and forties.
Here’s the question i received most in the last decade:
How do you deal with rejections?
I used to deal with them much worse. They used to crush me. Like I would have a full body visceral response of heart palpitations, sweats, non stop thinking and venting about it. Then I started to realize that I was in this negative feedback loop with it. The more attention I gave it, the more my energy shifted down with it, the more my energy went into it, the more I thought about it. It was a vicious cycle. I decided to start catching and correcting my thoughts and actions. I also became vigilant at owning my role in every single situation, in doing so, I realize that I romanticized or held onto A LOT of things because of some sort of unspoken expectation/dream I had picked up from someone else.
30, Unmarried and Childless
When I was 20, I imagined by the time I was 25, I’d be done with school, married and pregnant with my first child; and by 30 me and my little family would be happy and travelling the world. Little did I know, God had other plans. And subconsciously, so did I. I’m smart, beautiful and totally capable of being an amazing girlfriend and wife. Wondering why my feelings of wanting a traditional lifestyle are contradictory of my actions. Sometimes doubt still clouds my brain but in those time I call on the LORD.
Bye bye 20’s
As I turn thirty, to the world I am a qualified adult. The final curtain is closing on my 20’s, a decade where I was fully for the first time immersed into the big bad world. Thirty may be just a number but it’s a good time to take stock and reflect upon the last decade. It is a milestone but I prefer to think of it as a clean slate.
My 20’s have been, like most others, full of ups and downs. In my 20’s I first experienced grief, loss and love. I experienced joy, happiness, panic, fear. Building relationships and letting others go is something I learned along the way; this is a hard lesson. I learned to love, let go and live! Overall it’s been good decade.
So I’m happy. 30 is the new 20 but even better after all, right?
So here’s to another decade of learning, loving and living. Remember us women are all just little girls growing up, so be kind.
WanOnTheRoad 