Self-Esteem

When it comes to self-worth, no matter what others say, no matter how hard they insist, there’s only one opinion that truly matters… our own, which is kind of dangerous as we are our harshest critics. But with that being said, and as the title suggests, your self-esteem is buildable, it is a constant work in progress, and that’s what we are going to talk about today.

• Don’t believe everything you think

It is a well-known fact that if you want something to stick, you have to repeat it multiple times until it becomes natural to you. This method works when creating a new habit for example, or learning a mathematic formula. But, how does this relate to someone’s self-esteem? Well, as weird as it sounds, there is such a thing as “automatic negative thoughts”. They can seem innocent at first, but if we repeat them enough in our minds, we will eventually naturalize them, and start to believe they are true without even reflecting on them for one second.

But thoughts are thoughts, not facts.

• Be aware

We can’t change something if we don’t recognize that there is something to change. So once you take notice of these thoughts and how often they come and go (… and come again), be aware of what your mind is doing and remember that you have the power to control those thoughts.

“I’m fat”
“I’m lazy”

I mean, who didn’t call themselves one of those at some point? Those are just two examples of automatic negative thoughts. It really just takes one second for them to come to your mind, sometimes multiple times a day without us even noticing. So next time you happen to have this kind of thought, don’t just let it slide and try to keep track of them to see what you are constantly telling yourself and when, because once you know, you can start making the necessary changes

• Acceptance vs. comparison

Comparisons only lead to negative self-talk. So do yourself a favor and just try to avoid it altogether. It is not fair for you or for the other person. We never get to see the whole picture, so even if someone looks like they have everything together on the surface we could be far away from the truth.

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

Albert Einstein.

When we compare ourselves to others, we are just seeing the idealization we made of them, not the actual person. That idealization is not real… so explain to yourself how is it fair for you to keep fighting and punishing yourself for not reaching that ideal that doesn’t even exist and what’s worst, that we created ourselves!

Be honest to yourself. There may be things you want to improve on and change, but you have to still work on accepting them because they make who you are right now. And remember, you are amazing the way you are right now, and if you can’t believe it yourself, ask a friend. Sometimes it’s easier for others to see the best in us than it is for us to see it in ourselves.

• Forgiveness

At the end of the day, you only have yourself. Forgiveness is what will set you free from your own bitterness or resentment that keep you stuck in a cycle of negativity. Learn to forgive yourself for the ways you have hurt yourself, knowingly or unknowingly.

There’s no recipe for self-esteem, but I truly believe that mindfulness, acceptance, and forgiveness should be your main focus every day. When I was thinking of the title of this article I really liked the idea of using the verb build. And it is a concept I would like you to keep with yourself as well. When you start building something, you already have all the pieces you need, but they are misplaced. They only start to mean something and serve their purpose when they are located in the right place, next to the right piece and only then they start working together as one. And of course, building something takes time, sometimes trial and error, but the answer is there, right in front of you. It is just a matter of time to keep moving those pieces around until they click. And remember…

“… Rome wasn’t built in a day.”

I hope you could get something out of it and that it truly helps you. I’m open to anyone that maybe wants to talk about these kinds of things but don’t have someone to talk to. I can’t promise to have every answer, but I will do my best to help you in every way I can!

With Love